Holiday Correctness

Latest Newspaper Column (the director's cut):

Now that Thanksgiving is done and the shopping frenzy of Black Friday has passed, we are well and truly into the Christmas season.

At this time of loving, giving and maniacal consumption, let's not forget that there are some people for whom this time of year is particularly difficult. I'm speaking, of course, about people who suffer from SWORS: Spasmodic Wingnut Outrage Syndrome.

People with SWORS have it tough during the holiday season. Even the mention of the word "holiday," however innocent, can trigger an attack of SWORS:

NORMAL PERSON: Happy Holidays, Mr. Gundermeyer!

SWORS SUFFERER: You mean "Merry Christmas."

NORMAL PERSON: Oh. Sure.

SWORS SUFFERER: Say it! Say Merry Christmas! SAY IT! SAY IT!

NORMAL PERSON: OK! OK! Merry Christmas! Just don't hit me, please!

Good will toward men, indeed.

Like the shopping season, the SWORS season seems to begin ­earlier every year. This year, the first company to be attacked was that mainstay of the American ­shopping mall, The Gap. The American Family Association, a hotbed of SWORS infection if ever there was one, got cranky about not seeing any mentions of "Christmas" in Gap advertising. Perhaps the fact that it was early November may have had something to do with it, but nevertheless, the AFA called for a boycott.

A few days later, The Gap responded by releasing one of those ads that seems destined to go down as one of the most annoying ever, the kind of ad that makes you dive for the remote and fumble for the "Mute" button. "Go Christmas!" chirps an insanely peppy group of dancing teenagers, dressed, of course, in Gap clothing.

Now, you'd think that mentioning Christmas right up from there would serve to soothe the riled-up nerves of the SWORS-afflicted. A SWORS sufferer, however, looks at every olive branch as if it contains a nest of tarantulas. And in this case, the fact that the group also chants "Go Hanukkah, Go Kwanzaa, go solstice!" seems to have nullified whatever palliative effect was intended. "It seems like a desperate attempt to get every possible demographic to shop in their stores," sniffed The Dallas Republican Examiner.

Now, to the non-SWORS-infected, it would seem obvious that the whole point of having a store would be to get as many people as possible in the door. And most normal people realize that when they hit the stores to do their shopping, they'll be right there alongside "every possible demographic," including Jews, African-Americans and the sort of person who likes to go on and on about "solstice."

One of the tragic things about SWORS, however, is the feeling of deep resentment and bitterness that its victims experience at the very thought that someone may look, feel, or believe differently than they do, coupled with a paranoid certainty that those "other people" are getting more of life's goodies than they are.

While it's certainly easy for a nonsufferer to be annoyed by people with SWORS, it's important to keep in mind that these are people with an illness. They just can't help themselves, and the problem is only made worse by the plethora of high-profile wingnut media figures who, like crack dealers, make themselves fat and rich by feeding other peoples' disease.

It is a shame that SWORS spoils people's appreciation of the things that all people, whatever their beliefs, celebrate during this season. Things like peace, hope, good will, generosity and reflection on what's really important in life.

It seems even more a shame that they have to inflict their lunacy on the rest of us. But in this time of comfort and joy, take a moment to talk to someone who suffers from SWORS. Put your arm around them, look into their angry, troubled eyes, and say those simple words that mean so much at this time of year:

"Lighten the hell up, will ya?"

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

The Resigning Woman Strikes Again

Tri-City Herald : Mid-Columbia news:

Sarah Palin visits Washington State and bails out again:

Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5k race organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.

She didn't finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, word started trickling out to people gathered at the finish line that she was gone.

A few days ago, she reportedly left a book signing early, leaving angry crowds chanting "quitter!' and "sign our books!"



Has this woman ever finished anything other than a pregnancy?

A Simple Explanation (Updated)

After a pair of uninvited guests crashed a State Dinner at the White House, there's been a lot of hand-wringing and finger-pointing, a lot of accusations and questions about how something like this could happen.

The answer is simple, and illustrates one of the undeniable truths of life:

a hot blonde can get in anywhere. Anywhere. it's like having an all-access pass to the entire world.

UPDATE: More proof of this point here.

Who Among Us Does Not Love Zombies?

Have Fun With The Zombie Outbreak Simulator!

Set the number of civilians, police, and zombies, decide whether you want your zombies fast or slow, and watch the zombpocalypse play out! Click around the map to watch the unsuspecting civilians go about their day as the undead horde bears down on them! Fun, fun, fun for the entire family!

No Surrender

Latest Newspaper Column:

Boy, there sure are a lot of people these days who want to give in to the terrorists.

I remember back in those dark days after 9/11 when people were affirming that America was going to stand tall, that we weren't going to let ourselves be intimidated by maniacs who were trying to kill us.

But lately, it seems like there are a lot of politicians, on both sides of the aisle, who want to let fear of terrorist attack, or even terrorist's words, ­dictate how we run our ­country and how we bring the people responsible for the attacks to account.

Recently, the Obama administration announced that some terror suspects, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the alleged "mastermind" behind the 9/11 attacks, were going to be brought to New York to face trial (and possibly the death penalty) for their crimes. Predictably, the protests against the move took the form of dire and occasionally hysterical warnings about what the terrorists might do.

Even Rudy Giuliani, who distinguished ­himself by his coolness under pressure as mayor of New York in the days after 9/11, proved disappointingly craven. "It gives an unnecessary advantage to the terrorists," he said, " and it poses risks for New York."

This is in marked contrast to Rudy's pronouncement in 1994 that the conviction of the people who tried to bring down the Twin Towers the first time "shows you put terrorism on one side, you put our legal system on the other, and our legal system comes out ahead." But hey, he's a former Republican presidential candidate. No one expects consistency from them.

Rudy's hand-wringing was also in marked contrast to the current Republican mayor of New York, who appeared with his police chief to assert that the city of New York wasn't afraid of trying terrorists there. "It is fitting," Bloomberg said, "that 9/11 suspects face justice near the World Trade Center site where so many New Yorkers were murdered."

Perhaps the silliest objection to the trial of the terrorists is that -- horror of horrors -- they might actually say stuff in public. Rep. Peter Hoekstra claimed that a civilian trial will allow the accused terrorists to turn such proceedings into a "circus" and "use them as platforms to promote their ideology."

Yeah, because without a courtroom, they've been as quiet as church mice. And so what if they start babbling jihadist nonsense in court? How do you think that'll play to a jury of New Yorkers sitting in judgment a few blocks from where the Towers fell?

And while we're at it, is anyone other than Sarah Palin delusional enough to think there's even a small chance that these people are going to be acquitted? If you really think there's a possibility that a New York judge or jury is going to let them walk, there's a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

(Actually, I did have this fantasy of the judge saying: "The Court has decided that the case against the defendants must be thrown out because the evidence is irrevocably tainted. You're free to go. Now let's see you make it to the corner, you [really bad word]." )

Some people, including Democratic Sen. Jim Webb, say the suspects should be tried by military tribunals despite the fact that their acts occurred in the United States, because the 9/11 attacks were an "act of war." An attractive definition, to be sure, and one I myself used back in 2001.

In fact, I hear Khalid Sheikh Mohammed asked to admit guilt in front of a military tribunal and to be executed. (Tell you what, Bubba, we'll meet you halfway on that.)

But as Attorney General Eric Holder pointed out, we don't let them define the rules or pick where they get tried. They don't get to puff themselves up to the status of "warriors." They're mass murderers, and they deserve to be treated like murderers.

No one has yet come up with a universally accepted definition of terrorism. But most definitions of the term have one thing in common: Terrorism is the use of violence or the threat of violence by a small group to intimidate a larger one. And right now it seems that people like Giuliani, Hoekstra and their ilk are pretty intimidated by worries of what KSM and his buddies might do.

Prudence is one thing. But compromising American ideals like the rule of law isn't prudence; it's surrender. It's giving the terrorists exactly what they want. Don't give in.

The Thuggery Starts Early

Mary Matalin "slaps" one on Sarah Palin | Crooks and Liars

Time is the most valuable commodity on a campaign and you just can't waste it thinking about how to choose your words carefully or get your job done more diplomatically. If someone isn't in tears every day, that day wasn't all it could be advancing the campaign. I once witnessed an experienced (big) man slap a professional female colleague across the face over an ad buy... and no one thought anything of it, starting with the woman. In fact, she would have been insulted if anyone told her she should have been insulted.

So violent criminal assault is no big deal in a Republican campaign, huh? This explains a lot.

We Ain't Talking About Barney Fife Here

The "geopolitical intelligence" website STRATFOR  gets past all the fearmongering and looks at the resources the New York City Federal Courts and the City itself already have  in place for security during what will inevitably become known as the "Gitmo Five" trial.

Remember, they've dealt with terrorist trials before, not to mention high profile Mafia trials. And also remember, as others have pointed out, the people we're dealing with aren't  Magneto and The Joker.

Thanks to Randy Ellison for the link.

Quote of the Day

From Talking Points Memo:

"How is it that it will take 'decades' for history to judge the Bush administration yet we know already that the Obama administration is a failure?"

Words Fail Me

Bob Dylan’s “Must Be Santa” Video From “Christmas” LP .

No Principles Whatsoever

Rudy Giuliani, 1994:

The verdict [against the first World Trade Center Bombers] ‘demonstrates that New Yorkers won’t meet violence with violence, but with a far greater weapon — the law.’

“I think it shows you put terrorism on one side, you put our legal system on the other, and our legal system comes out ahead."

Rudy Giuliani, 2009:

“[Trying the "911 mastermind" in a civilian court] gives an unnecessary advantage to the terrorists and why would you want to give an advantage to the terrorists, and it poses risks for New York.”

“We wouldn’t have tried the people who attacked Pearl Harbor in a civilian court in Hawaii.”

“I’m concerned that we no longer believe we’re at war with Islamic terrorists when they’re at war with us.”

Why the hell does anyone take this hack seriously?

The Party of Love, Again.

A wingnut shows his Christian love when he asks us to "Pray For Obama," then quotes Psalms 109:8 as a suggested text:

May his days be few; may another take his office.

Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.

Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.

But don't ever forget, it's the liberals who are filled with hate.

Insurance Coverage For Abortion: IOKIYAR!

POLITICO.com:

Leading up to passage of the House health care reform bill last week, 176 House Republicans joined 64 Democrats in voting for the so-called Stupak amendment, a measure that prohibits federal funds from being used to buy health insurance that covers elective abortions.

But the Republican National Committee’s health insurance plan covers elective abortion – a procedure the party’s own platform calls “a fundamental assault on innocent human life."

Informed of the coverage, RNC spokeswoman Gail Gitcho told POLITICO that the policy pre-dates the tenure of current RNC Chairman Michael Steele.

The current policy has been in effect since 1991, and we are taking steps to address the issue,” Gitcho said.

Wonder if the Blue Dog Dems who voted for Stupak have coverage for elective abortions in their goverment sponsored health care policies as well?

The mantra of the opponents of Health Care Reform: "coverage for me, but not for thee."

GO LEMMINGS GO! Part II

The GOP crackup continues:

On Monday, the Charleston County Republican Party’s executive committee “took the unusual step” of officially censuring Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC). The local GOP committee admonished Graham for stepping across party lines to work with Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) on a bipartisan clean energy bill and other pieces of legislation. The censure stated that Graham’s “bipartisanship continues to weaken the Republican brand and tarnish the ideals of freedom.”

Looks like they haven't taken all of St. Ronald Reagan's words to heart. He used to say the 11th Commandment was "thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Republican." Now it seems the wingnuts can't do anything else. Let the Stalinist GOP purge continue!

The Stimulus Comes to Your Neighborhood

The Stimulus Tracker from msnbc.com tracks spending on the stimulus package right down to the county level. In my case, it shows a pretty hefty contract going to the paving company owned by a nice older gentleman who lives down the street from me, and who I know is hiring a lot more people now than he was last year. It's an intriguing look at where the money goes. Check it out.

(Wonder if SNL will do a skit about it?)

GO, LEMMINGS, GO!

Looks like the wingnut "Club For Growth"  is ready to do for the Republicans in Florida what they did for them in NY-23,  namely, turn a Republican seat over to the Democrats:

It's official: the Club for Growth has endorsed conservative upstart Marco Rubio in Florida's Senate race, over moderate Gov. Charlie Crist (R).

***

The Club is in the business of supporting fiscally conservative candidates, sometimes in primaries against incumbent Republicans. In the 2008 election cycle, they launched an offensive against Rep. Wayne Gilchrest (R-MD), who, thanks to the Club's efforts, lost his primary to conservative Andy Harris, and the seat eventually went to the Democrats.

***

But now, the Club's moment seems to have arrived. The conservative grassroots have been swept up in fiscal conservatism, and they're fresh off a semi-victory in NY-23, where the Club backed Conservatve Party candidate Doug Hoffman and became one of the central financial players in the race, spending almost on par with the big boys--the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and the National Republican Congressional Committee--adding just over $1 million to the race, including bundled donations.

Lest we forget, the NY-23 "semi-victory" divided the GOP, pissed off the locals, and gave the NY-23 election to a Democrat.

This is a definition of "semi-victory" with which I am not familiar.

 A classic symptom of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. But hey, why do you think they call them "wingnuts"?

A Man's Gotta Have a Hobby...

This fellow's hobby just happens to be blowing anvils hundreds of feet in the air.

Enjoy.

Heath Care Bill Passes House

Bill Owens (NY-23) cast the 218th vote that put the bill over the top.

The Governors of Virginia and New Jersey did not vote.

Yeah, the 2009 election was a huge defeat for Obama, all right.

The Drama-Queen Media (The Director's Cut) UPDATED

Latest Newspaper column, as it was originally written before the weak sisters at The Pilot apparently decided I was being too mean to poor Michelle Malkin, Sarah Failin' the Resigning Woman, and Blubberin' Glenn Beck.

A “referendum on Barack Obama". A "bellwether" of how the elections of 2010 and 21012 were going to go. That was the prevailing narrative in the so-called "liberal" media right before this past week's off-year elections.

Among those supposedly "bellwether" elections was the special election in New York's 23d District, which pitted Republican state assemblywoman Dede Scozzafava against Democrat Bill Owens. Scozzafava, however, wasn't nearly ideologically pure enough for the angry, bitter, sky-is-falling wing of the GOP.  Fox news-harpy Michelle Malkin repeatedly referred to Scozzafava as a "radical leftist." Malkin, wingnut pinup girl Sarah Palin,  and Cryin' Glenn Beck came out strongly in favor of a third party candidate, Doug Hoffman, who doesn't even live in the district. When Newt Gingrich tried to reason with the raging right wingers, Malkin, showing the same kind of party solidarity you'd expect from a rabid Shih Tzu,  turned on him. "Perhaps it is time to go your own way, with Al Sharpton and Nancy Pelosi," Malkin sneered at Gingrich. The wingnut attacks got so vicious that Scozzafava eventually dropped out of the race--and endorsed Owens.

Meanwhile, in New Jersey, the battle for the governorship was waged between a Democrat, incumbent John Corzine, who apparently was about as popular in New Jersey as the swine flu, and whose campaign message seemed to be mostly centered around allegations that his Republican opponent, Chris Christie, is fat. In Virginia, Republican Bob McDonnell vied with Democrat Creigh Deeds, who ran a ham-fisted campaign that made John McCain's desperate floundering look positively Machiavellian in comparison.

By Wednesday morning, the results were in: Republicans won the governorships in New Jersey and Virginia, but Bill Owens was the first Democratic House member from NY-23 since the Civil War.

You'd think that these would be reported as, at best, mixed results. But you'd be wrong. "Republican wins deal blow to Obama," blared the supposedly 'liberal" MSNBC.com, claiming that winning two governorships "inflicted a double blow on President Barack Obama's Democratic Party". They went on to say: "The Republican victories Tuesday in Virginia and New Jersey are a setback for Obama as he struggles to overhaul the U.S. health care system, win passage of climate change legislation, and build political support for his handling of the war in Afghanistan." Because, after all, the governors of New Jersey and Virginia have so much influence on those issues.

Meanwhile, a Democratic win in a district that hasn't elected a Democrat since the 19th century, one in which stars of the wingnuttosphere threw their weight behind a teabagger third party candidate and drove the Republican nominee out of the race for being too liberal, one in which Barack Obama gave his endorsement to the Democrat who eventually won...not such a big deal.

In short, the so-called “liberal” media hyped this as a huge test of the popularity of the Obama administration, then blew off the Democratic win, one that, lest we forget, increased the Democratic majority in the House of Representatives. They chose instead to gush over Republican wins that stand to have little or no effect on President Obama's national agenda.

Yeah, those are some liberal media, you betcha.

Not that I'm saying the media are conservative. No, the problem with 21st century "news" as it's practiced by the so-called "serious" journalists is that it's not about liberalism or conservatism any more.  It's about drama. It was foreordained that the media was going to spin this as a huge challenge to the President who's been in office for less than a year. Because otherwise, the off-year election would be like most off-year elections: boring. And they hate boring. That's why the gun-toting Tea Party nuts and birther loons get so much coverage. They may not make much sense, but look how colorful they are! Look, a Nazi flag! Hey, does that one have a gun? Let's go see what pearls of wisdom he has to offer!"  By the same token, "Huge setback for Obama! Can he ever recover? Who will save us now!?" is a much more sexy narrative than "things are really complicated right now." So guess which story gets told?

With its predetermined narratives, nutty characters, and obsession with gaudy trash talking, modern journalism is becoming harder and harder to distinguish from professional wrestling.

God help us all.

Dusty Rhoades lives, writes, and practices law in Carthage.

UPDATE: several days later, it suddenly dawns on the NYT that Tuesday might not have been such great news for the Republicans after all.

"give me the money in the draw"

Bank Notes: a collection of Bank Robbery Notes

Some are funnier than others. I particularly like:

I have a gun in my bag.
Give me $5,000 please.
Thanks a bunch.

And there's a certain simple beauty to this one:

Bank Robbery.


Hat tip to Andrew Sullivan.

More Scenes From the Capitol Health Care Protest

washingtonpost.com

....[A] man standing just beyond the TV cameras apparently suffered a heart attack 20 minutes after event began. Medical personnel from the Capitol physician's office -- an entity that could, quite accurately, be labeled government-run health care -- rushed over, attaching electrodes to his chest and giving him oxygen and an IV drip.

***

By the time it was over, medics had administered government-run health care to at least five people in the crowd who were stricken as they denounced government-run health care.

Heh. It's easy to denounce "government health care" till you need it. Then it's "gimme gimme gimme..."

"Under God"--Vitally Important "Indivisible"--Not So Much

Think Progress:

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) had the honor of leading the anti-health care protesters on Capitol Hill today in the Pledge of Allegiance. To show his fervent devotion to the Pledge, he gave a short speech about the importance of the phrase “under God.” However, when it came time to actually recite the Pledge, he was so excited about that one phrase that he forgot to say “indivisible” before “with liberty, and justice for all.”

Think Progress seems to be treating this as just an amusing gaffe. I think it speaks volumes.

These people LIKE America divisible. They like us chopped up into little segments, red here, blue here, "real American" there, "socialist Marxofascist" over there...each afraid of the other, so they can exploit the fear.

Wingnut Carpetbaggers Not Welcome in NY-23

Watertown Daily Times columnist Jeffrey Savitksie describes why right wing candidate Doug Hoffman lost in the election that gave New York's 23d District its first Democratic congressman since the Civil War:

Hoffman's cash didn't come from somebody in Hermon or Hopkinton or Adams Center or from anywhere that cares about the north country. It came from folks who know so little about the north country that they would likely believe it if you told them Alexandria Bay was an exotic dancer. They know the 23rd Congressional District only as a place they might be able to make a political point for their team nationally. They might know where it is exactly, but I doubt it. They probably just describe it as “somewhere in New York.”

It is somewhere, by the way, where their handpicked Hoffman robot doesn't even live. A minor concern, I suppose, if you have your eyes on a bigger prize and aren't worried about the little people who actually do live in the district. Hoffman and his moneybaggers might be pro-life, but they sure aren't pro-north country life.

One thing the people of NY-23 weren't going to stand for is a bunch of out of staters telling them who they could vote for. I guess the wingnuts don't understand small town America the way they claim to.

Your Liberal Media At Work.

So a Democrat wins a House seat that's been Republican since the 19th century, after wingnut stars like Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin, Sarah Palin and Tim Pawlenty throw their weight behind a teabagger third party candidate and drive the Republican nominee out of the race for being too liberal, and after Barack Obama gives his endorsement to the Democrat who eventually wins...

...and the night is reported as a huge setback for Obama and the Democrats because of two governor's races.

The Republican victories Tuesday in Virginia and New Jersey are a setback for Obama as he struggles to overhaul the U.S. health care system, win passage of climate change legislation, and build political support for his handling of the war in Afghanistan.

Yes, because the governors of Virginia and New Jersey have so much power over those issues.

Liberal media, my ass.

NOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!

A forklift driver in a liquor warehouse has an unthinkable accident:



It is to weep.

In a comic book, after a disaster like that, he'd probably rise after weeks in a booze-soaked coma to discover he'd transformed into a superhero or something.

Hey, is it my imagination, or does the newsreader sound like she's had a couple of stiff ones as well? Drinks, I mean.

The Lazy Way to Successful Punditry

Latest Newspaper Column:

I tell you, folks, I'm weakening. I'm about to do something I thought I'd sworn off forever.

I'm considering joining the Republican Party again.

Some of my long-term readers may recall my joining the GOP back in '05 and '06 and writing about it in this column. Not because of any ideological change of heart, but precisely because the GOP had no actual ideology other than IOKIYAR: It's OK If You're A Republican.

Back in those days, the knee-jerk Republican defense of everything from adultery to sexually propositioning teenagers to shoplifting suggested to me that whatever I did, I'd always find a host of defenders so long as I had the correct political affiliation. Not that I was going to do any of those things, mind you, but it was just nice to know.

Well, I left the party, but I have to say, I'm sorely tempted to join up again. Not just for the complete lack of moral accountability (even though the David Vitter and Mark Sanford cases show that that's still alive and well), but because it would make writing this column so much easier.

See, I'm basically a lazy person. It's a real drag sometimes when I'm writing this column to go back and actually check various sources to make sure that the things I'm saying about people have at least some basis in fact.

But if I were a conservative Republican, I wouldn't have to do any of that stuff. If I saw something that looked outrageous enough, I could write about it without having to check around and see if it actually happened. And if it turned out not to be true -- hey, who cares?

As an example, let's take de facto Republican Party leader Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh recently went on the air with a real blockbuster of a story: Time magazine reporter Joe Klein had uncovered a thesis written by Barack Obama while Obama was a student at Columbia University.

The thesis was supposedly harshly critical of the U.S. Constitution, stating, "The so-called Founders did not allow for economic freedom. While political freedom is supposedly a cornerstone of the document, the distribution of wealth is not even mentioned. While many believed that the new Constitution gave them liberty, it instead fitted them with the shackles of hypocrisy."

Only problem was, as Limbaugh was informed almost immediately, the story was a complete hoax, a satire posted on an allegedly humorous blog called "Jumping In Pools."

Joe Klein himself denied ever writing such a piece. "It is completely false," Klein posted on Time's online blog "Swampland." "I've never seen Obama's thesis. I have no idea where this report comes from -- but I can assure you that it's complete nonsense."

Rush, as the kids say, had been punk'd.

No matter, Limbaugh smoothly stated in his very next radio hour. He repeated the false quotes, then admitted that they were probably fake, but -- and this is the cool part -- he still stood by them because (a) he himself had been misquoted recently, and (b) he "knows Obama thinks it."

You can see how, to a lazy person such as myself, this would be very attractive. As a liberal, I can't get away with, for example, saying Sarah Palin once actually claimed she had foreign policy experience because she could "see Russia from her house."

As a liberal columnist, I'd have to point out that Palin never actually said that, but that that quote was instead from "Saturday Night Live" performer Tina Fey's hilarious impression of Palin. If I didn't, you can bet there'd be a deluge of letters lambasting me for making something up. And the defense "Well, it's a lie, sure, but I know Sarah Palin thinks that way" just wouldn't cut it.

But if I were a wingnut -- boy howdy, anything goes. I could make a crazy accusation, find out it's false within the hour, and stand by it anyway. Even after it's shown to be a lie, I could circulate the story on the Internet via chain e-mails that circle around in the Internet forever.

It's really tempting. Someone talk me out of it.