Tuesday, 30 March 2010

I Laughed. Hard.

Teabonics - a set on Flickr
These are signs seen primarily at Tea Party Protests.

They all feature "creative" spelling or grammar.

This new dialect of the English language shall be known as "Teabonics."

I especially like this one.


Sunday, 28 March 2010

Credit Where Credit Is Due For the Health Care Bill

Latest Newspaper Column:
A week ago, the U.S. House of Representatives voted to enact a sweeping reform of the nation's health-care system. A lot has been written about who should take the credit (or blame) for passage of the bill after almost a year of often acrimonious debate. But today, I want to thank the people who really made it possible, the unsung heroes, if you will, that really helped make health-care reform the law of the land.

I'm talking, of course, about the Republican Party.

Last July, Republican Sen. Jim DeMint of South Carolina revealed the true Republican goal. "If we stop Obama on this," he said, "it will be his Waterloo. It will break him."

After that, it was, as the kids say, on.

They pulled out all the stops. Sarah Palin raved on her Facebook page about nonexistent "death panels." Far-right bloggers and talk show hosts whipped "tea partiers" into a frenzy over "government-run health care" (although, judging from the apparent age of most of them, they were already on government-run health care, i.e., Medicare).

Joe Wilson of South Carolina shouted "you lie!" at the president during a congressional address. The Republicans carped that Obama had promised the debate would be televised, and then, when he called a televised "health care summit" with them, derided it as a "PR stunt."

The ones that showed up provided a "plan" that was to "scrap all your proposals and start over." (Remember, to a Republican, "bipartisanship" is a code word for "do everything we demand or we'll say nasty things about you, except we'll say nasty things about you anyway.") GOP lawmakers predicted "the death of the Senate" over parliamentary procedures that they themselves had frequently used in the past.

Eventually, it became clear to everyone that there was no compromise with these people, that they were going to vote against whatever plan came up in the House or the Senate. That left President Obama and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi free to concentrate on lobbying their own fractious party.

That's never an easy task, with single-payer advocates like Dennis Kucinich on the left, social conservatives like Bart Stupak on the right, and conservative Blue Dog Democrats scattered about. But the behavior of the Republicans made their task that much easier.

Sun Tzu, in "The Art of War," offered this advice: "In death ground, fight." It became apparent that this was, indeed, meant by the GOP to be the Democrats' "death ground." If this failed, the president and the speaker warned, every Democrat would spend every news cycle from now until the midterm elections with the GOP talking heads and their lapdogs in the media hanging the "loser" sign around their necks and deriding the President's and Congress' "inability to get anything done."

They developed a plan to vote "yes" on the Senate bill, then send a filibuster-proof package of changes to the Senate, where the reconciliation process provides only for what Republicans used to routinely demand: "an up-or-down vote." At which point, Republicans howled that an up-or-down, majority vote was, literally, tyranny of Hitlerian proportions.

Gradually, as their opponents got crazier and crazier, the recalcitrant Dems fell into line. Kucinich signed on, reluctantly, to the bill. Stupak, who'd fretted about federal money going to fund abortions, agreed to a face-saving executive order that said that the bill would -follow current law that already forbade such funding.

But, as he found out, that doesn't help you with Republicans, one of whom shouted "baby-killer!" at him on the House floor. In the end, the bill and the reconciliation package passed in the House with votes to spare.

So thanks, Republicans. By announcing early on that you meant to "break" their party's president, then using every lie, slur, whack-job conspiracy theory, drama-queen display, and outright thuggish tactic in your arsenal to try to make that happen, you helped bring the Democratic Party together. Not completely, but enough. The president and the speaker couldn't have done it without you.

Now, they announce, they intend to run this fall on a platform of repealing the bill. They'll be trying to make it possible once again for insurance companies to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions and drop you when you get sick. They'll be trying to reopen the Medicare "doughnut hole" and cost seniors more for their medicine. They'll be trying to repeal tax credits for small business to help them buy insurance.

Go ahead, guys. Knock yourselves out.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Too Funny...

Tea Party Advocates Who Scorn Socialism Want a Government Job - Bloomberg.com

March 26 (Bloomberg) -- Tea Party activists, who are becoming a force in U.S. politics, want the federal government out of their lives except when it comes to creating jobs.

More than 90 percent of Tea Party backers interviewed in a new Bloomberg National Poll say the U.S. is verging more toward socialism than capitalism, the federal government is trying to control too many aspects of private life and more decisions should be made at the state level.

At the same time, 70 percent of those who sympathize with the Tea Party, which organized protests this week against President Barack Obama’s health-care overhaul, want a federal government that fosters job creation.

They also look to the government to rein in Wall Street, with almost half saying the government should do something about executive bonuses. Supporters are also conflicted over whether private-enterprise elements should be introduced into government programs like Social Security and Medicare.

“The ideas that find nearly universal agreement among Tea Party supporters are rather vague,” says J. Ann Selzer, the pollster who created the survey.

Gee, ya think?

It's part and parcel with the conservative governors and Congresscritters who screamed and wailed and stomped their feet over the stimulus package, and will still swear that "it hasn't done a thing", then head back home for a ceremony where they take credit for bringing a stimulus funded project to their district.

I swear, these people remind me of nothing so much as a teenager screaming to her mother "I HATE YOU! Now give me a ride to the mall!"


Monday, 22 March 2010

Your Humble Author Joins the Great Kindle Experiment

Following in the footsteps of my friends JA Konrath and Lee Goldberg, I've put my novel STORM SURGE up on Amazon's Kindle site as a 1.99 e-book.

The Description:

DIE HARD meets KEY LARGO in the first e-published novel by the Shamus-Award nominated author of BREAKING COVER and the Jack Keller series.

For the country's rich and powerful, Pass Island is a secluded playground, a place to get away from it all. For waitress Sharon Brennan, it's a place to make a living for herself and her daughter Glory. For amiable handyman Max Chase, it's a place far away from his past.

But there's a lot more to Max than meets the eye. And as a Category Five Hurricane bears down on Pass Island, some very bad people arrive with a plan to use the cover of the storm to steal a mysterious object, an object that powerful people want desperately enough to kill for.

When things go wrong and Sharon and Glory are trapped on the island with a team of cold-blooded mercenaries, they begin to realize that maybe Max isn't the good guy they thought he was...but he may be just the bad guy they need.


Find it HERE

Which Well Would That Be, Honorable John?

The Hill's Blog Briefing Room:
Democrats shouldn't expect much cooperation from Republicans the rest of this year, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) warned Monday.

GOP senators emerged Monday to caution that the health debate had taken a toll on the institution, warning of little work between parties the rest of this year.

"There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year," McCain said during an interview Monday on an Arizona radio affiliate. "They have poisoned the well in what they've done and how they've done it."


Help me out here.

When the hell have they gotten cooperation from the Republicans so far? Waht are they going to do that they haven't done so far? Put a "hold" on nominees for important posts? Block legislation and throw people out of work just to show they can, then say "tough shit" when anyone calls them on it?

Seems to me all they've done with that well is piss in it. And now they're saying they're going to take a dump in it too, not because of the merits or lack of same of any pending legislation, but because they have their Depends in a wad?

Well gee, Honorable John, guess that whole "Country First" slogan was just that: a slogan. And guess we'll just have to toddle along without you, like we did on the health care bill.

Will somebody please remind this old coot that 41 Republicans + Lieberman is STILL not a majority? And will someone remind the Democrats as well?

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Prince Phillip: He So Crazy

Latest Newspaper Column:

Well, it looks like my old friend Prince Philip is at it again.

Longtime readers of this column may remember that I’ve always been a big fan of Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh, husband to Queen Elizabeth the Second, and thus prince consort of the United Kingdom. For one thing, his is an inspiring story. Like Michael Dukakis, he was born the son of Greek immigrants.

True, one of those immigrants was Prince Andrew of Greece, who, for some reason, was actually Danish. (Trying to figure out the interweaving bloodlines of European royalty can be a bit like trying to untangle a drawer full of headphone cords.)

When his family was exiled from Greece, the plucky prince made hisway to Britain. There, he served in the Royal Navy, dropped all hisGreek titles like an old pair of worn-out socks, renamed himself Philip Mountbatten and married way, way up when he wooed and won then-Princess Elizabeth.

At first glance, the job of prince consort of the United Kingdom looks like a pretty sweet gig. The hours are easy, you’re married to one of the world’s richest women, and — here’s the part that really endears ol’ Phil to me — you can say pretty much any fool thing that comes into your head and no one can do squat about it.

Which brings us to Philip’s latest gaffe. While he and the missus were reviewing Royal Navy cadets, he happened to strike up a conversation with pretty 24-year-old female cadet, Elizabeth Rendle, who moonlights as a bartender.

“I told him I worked in a club,” Rendle told the British newspaper the Daily Mail. “He then asked if it was a strip club. Obviously I said ‘No’, and then he said, ‘Oh, it’s a bit too cold today anyway.”

I’m not sure what that last bit was supposed to mean. Too cold? Very few strip clubs are outside. You’d think a prince would know these things.

The amazing thing is, while remarks like this one usually lead to a storm of criticism in the British press, the people at whom the prince’s barbs are directed seem to take them in stride. “I don’t think he put his foot in it,” Rendle reassured reporters. “It was a joke and I didn’t take any offense. I think he was just putting people at their ease.”

Because nothing puts a young woman at ease like an 88-year-old man asking her if she takes off her clothes for money. Especially if the guy’s wife is right there. And she’s, you know, the queen.

Philip has become famous over the years for this sort of thing. Just recently, it came to light that seven years ago, the queen asked a 15-year-old cadet blinded in an IRA bombing how much sight he had left. Philip responded, “Not a lot, judging by the tie he’s wearing.”

My favorite is still the crack he made to a group of British students in China: “If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.”

All of these have caused controversy to various degrees in Britain, but none of it seems to bother Crazy Phil. That’s just how he rolls.

In the insect kingdom, the drone bee wanders off and dies after impregnating the queen. The female praying mantis bites the male’s head off during mating to signify that his task on Earth is done.

Unfortunately for Philip, his heir-siring duties as prince consort were over in 1964, once he got done fathering a prince (Charles), a princess royal (Anne), a duke (Andrew) and an earl Edward). Since then, he really hasn’t had a lot to do except drink gin, go to horse races and say things that tick people off.

Maybe the BBC, or even some American network, ought to give him his own sitcom. After all, curmudgeonly old dudes who say outrageous things are a staple of both British and American TV comedy. The guy’s a natural. He’s got years of experience, we know he can ad-lib, and he’s
got a built-in fan base.

I can see it now: “That’s Our Prince!” coming this fall on Fox. Hey, it can’t be any stupider or more offensive than “The Cleveland Show.”

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Why We Fight

Teabaggers mock and jeer at a protester with Parkinson's disease:




I particularly liked the guy throwing money at him with such obvious rage and contempt.

The card at the end says it all: "If They Win, We Lose."

But don't ever forget, it's the liberals who are filled with hate.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Your Liberal Media At Work

New York Magazine discusses the abominable Liz Cheney and provides some insight into why we keep seeing her all over the so-called "liberal media":
Fox is a regular pulpit, of course, but Liz is also all over NBC, where she happens to be social friends with Meet the Press host David Gregory (whose wife worked with Liz ’s husband at the law firm Latham & Watkins), family friends with Justice Department reporter Pete Williams (Dick Cheney’s press aide when he was secretary of Defense), and neighborhood friends with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, daughter of Carter-administration national-security adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski. When Mika criticized Dick Cheney on her show last year, the former vice-president sent her a box of chocolate cupcakes.

Lawrence O’Donnell, an MSNBC pundit who engaged in a particularly testy shouting match on Good Morning America with Liz Cheney over waterboarding, says the networks have allowed her a high degree of control over her appearances. “She had up to that point been completely accustomed to having interviews go her way and ceded on her terms,” he observes. “She has been careful to make sure that the interviews worked that way.”


I'm really trying to resist the temptation these days to just spit on the ground every time some idiot starts bleating abut how badly conservatives are treated in the "liberal media". Liz N' Dick and their ilk have been handled with kid gloves as they spread their revisionist bullshit, and now we can see one of the reason why. It's time these so-called journalists started being a lot less chummy with the people they're supposed to be reporting on, or at least clearly disclosing obvious conflicts of interest.

I'll Show You Some American Values....

Latest Newspaper Column:

In the months after the Republicans' electoral loss in 2008 (you do remember they lost, right?), former Vice President Dick "Shooter" Cheney tossed aside years of decorum and tradition to emerge as one of the most vocal and harshly partisan critics of President Obama and the way he's been conducting the country's defense.

It is clear once again," Cheney said, "that President Obama is trying to pretend that we are not at war."

Since Shooter was on Fox News when he said this, no one there bothered to point out that President Obama had stepped up troop levels in Afghanistan, that he'd increased cooperation with Pakistan (resulting in the capture of the Taliban's operational commander) and that strikes by high-tech Predator drones were knocking off senior terrorist leaders at a fearsome rate.

Because who needs a bunch of pesky facts and follow-up questions, anyway? Certainly not Faux News.

Then Dick's daughter Liz started chiming in, singing the same song, and encountering the same lack of challenge from the so-called "liberal" media. But when Liz, her buddy Bill Kristol and their organization "Keep America Safe" started running ads about a group of Justice Department lawyers they dubbed the "Al-Qaeda Seven," even some voices on the far right cried foul

The ad, in fine McCarthyite style, criticizes Eric Holder's Justice Department (which they refer to as the "Department of Jihad") for employing "nine lawyers who represented or advocated for terrorist detainees." Holder, the ad says ominously, has only provided the names of two of the lawyers, leaving the so-called "Al-Qaeda Seven."

"Whose values do they share?" the ad asks, then urges people to call AG Holder and demand that he reveal their names. Or fire them. Or something. The ad also provides directions to KAS's Web site, where, with a simple mouse click, one can make donations of anywhere from $10 to $5,000, depending, one supposes, on the level of panic the ad manages to to create

Even some former Bushistas said "whoa" to this one. Michael Mukasey, who took over as attorney general after Alberto Gonzales resigned in disgrace, called the ad campaign "both shoddy and dangerous," going on to say that lawyers aren't "automatically to be identified with their former clients and regarded as a fifth column within the Justice Department."

In March 8, a letter signed by 19 former Bush administration lawyers, including former Solicitor General Ted Olson, stated that the attacks were "both unjust to the individuals in question and destructive of any attempt to build lasting mechanisms for counterterrorism adjudications," and stated that the Cheney witch hunt "undermined the justice system."

Moving farther right, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham said, "This system of justice that we're so proud of in America requires the unpopular to have an advocate, and every time a defense lawyer fights to make the government do their job, that defense lawyer has made us all safer." Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions, a wingnut's wingnut if ever there was one, agreed that calling the DOJ the Department of Jihad is "over the top and unjustified."

I've got to tell you, folks, if you're too far out there for Jeff Sessions, you're so far beyond the horizon you may never make it back to sanity.

Both Graham and Sessions, it should be noted, supported the Military Commissions Act. You know, the one that provides for those "tribunals" of which the Right is so enamored. The one that provides for - guess what? A right to counsel for detainees

I will answer one of the ad's questions, which is "whose values they share." They share the values of an American who jeopardized his reputation and his livelihood to take on the case of several men accused of an infamous crime in which American patriots died. Not because he didn't love freedom, but because he did.

His name was John Adams, and he agreed to defend the British soldiers accused of cold-blooded murder in the Boston Massacre because, he said, "no man in a free country should be denied the right to counsel and a fair trial." He was threatened, both politically and physically, and he reportedly lost up to half of his law practice for a time, but he later called taking (and winning) the case "the greatest service I ever did for my country."

Part of me is sorry that Adams is not here today to remind us of where real American values lie. Part of me is glad he's not here to see what some people are advocating, supposedly in the name of freedom. I think he'd be ashamed.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Guns & Lattes

The Open Carry Debate: Should People Have Guns at Starbucks? - TIME
The patrons of at least five Starbucks locations in California's Bay Area have faced this dilemma in recent weeks. Gun owners have walked into various Starbucks--including in liberal enclaves like San Francisco, San Jose and Cupertino (the home of Apple)--openly wearing weapons while they drink their coffee.

You might not think you would need to be armed to order a latte, but the Bay Area gun owners--who are loosely affiliated with a website called OpenCarry.org--are hoping to draw attention to what they see as a Second Amendment guarantee: the right to carry a gun without fear that it will be confiscated.

It surprises some people to find out that I'm not in line with a lot of supposedly liberal positions on gun control. I think the assault weapons ban, while well-intentioned, was unenforceable, and I don't think handguns should be banned outright. I believe in the right to keep and bear arms, subject to reasonable (the key word) regulation.

But I don't believe you have to be a dick about it. I don't feel the need to go "Look! My gun! I'm wearing it! Look! Look! Suck it, libs!"

I'm moderately pro-gun. I'm adamantly anti-asshole.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Please, Brer Rush, Don't Throw Us In That Briar Patch

Limbaugh: I'll Leave US If Health Care Reform Passes (VIDEO)
Responding to a caller who asked him where he would go for health care if Congress enacts reform, Limbaugh replied,

I don't know. I'll just tell you this, if this passes and it's five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented -- I am leaving the country. I'll go to Costa Rica.

First: Costa Rica has a socialized, single payer health care system.

Second: It's ranked higher than ours.

Third: Remember when Alec Baldwin was called a traitor for saying he'd leave the country if Bush was re-elected?

hat tip: Balloon Juice

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Who's the Mad Man Here?

Latest Newspaper Column:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: A lot of modern television commercials leave me me scratching my head and wondering what the heck the people who made this thing were thinking. Maybe it's just me, but it looks like the problem is getting worse.

Take, for instance, an ad for Bridgestone Tires which premiered during the Super Bowl. In the ad, a villainous-looking group stops a car at a roadblock on a darkened, rainy mountain road. The head bad guy calls out to the driver “Your Bridgestone tires...or your life!" There's a brief pause. Then a good-looking woman gets kicked out of the passenger seat onto the road. The exasperated head baddie calls out to the retreating vehicle, "not your WIFE, your LIFE!"

Bridgestone: you'd rather leave your beautiful wife to be raped and murdered than give up these tires. Uhhh...what?

Then there's the Levi's ad where young people, filmed in black and white, cavort in what looks like a destroyed amusement park, while a scratchy, old-man voice recites what sounds like total gibberish. The voice, as it turns out, is that of 19th century poet Walt Whitman, captured in an early wax-cylinder recording, and reading from his poem "America" : "Strong, ample, fair, enduring, capable, rich, perennial with the Earth, with Freedom, Law and Love," etc. Because, as we all know, nothing makes 21st century kids want your blue jeans quite as much as a recitation by one of America's most eccentric and tedious dead poets. I am informed by my consultant on youth culture (my 15 year old daughter) that Levi's are now regarded as dorky, and her opinion of Walt Whitman could best be described as lukewarm. I'm not seeing how this ad is going to help either one.

There have been a number of ads recently in which a company's message seems to be "Okay, we know we've really sucked lately, but we're better now." Considering Toyota's recent spate of product recalls, it's easy to understand their recent mea culpa ads, which tell us that the company "hasn't been living up to the standards that you expect from us, or that we expect from ourselves," but promise that they're "trying to make things right." After all, these are products that can and may have killed people, so some high-profile groveling would seem to be in order when things go wrong.

It's harder, however, to figure out the latest campaign from Domino's Pizza. Domino's, as far as I know, hasn't killed anyone, but their latest ads seem intent on completely demolishing the reputation of every pizza they've ever sold. They quote customers complaining that Domino's pizza was "bland" and the crust was "like cardboard." It's a decidedly odd feeling to look at an ad and respond, "Oh, come on guys, your product's not THAT bad."

The ad did have one desired effect, however. It did motivate us to try the "new and improved" Domino's, just to see. And the verdict? Eh. Not terrible, but not great, either. But then, that was the verdict on their previous recipe, too. I'm thinking Domino's could have saved the millions it spent on a new product roll-out and and just kept selling to its core demographic: drunk college students and harried parents trying to feed packs of rowdy kids rendered nearly feral by hunger. These are people who really only want something cheap, brought to them quickly. Flavor's nice, but edible will do.

Perhaps the most incomprehensible ad to me is the Viagra spot where the gray-haired guy's walking down the street, apparently on the way to his doctor's office. He's passing a set of windows when his reflection begins talking to him: "Are you going to ask the doctor about our erectile dysfunction?"

Yeah, pal. Sure. As soon as I get done asking him why I'm being nagged by a hallucination.

Oh, and will someone please make those talking baby ads go away? They do nothing to make me want to use E-Trade for my investments. Not only is the effect really creepy, but that kid's really turning into kind of a douchebag.

It’s the question that eternally bedevils me: which one is getting crazier, the TV or me? I’m sort of afraid to know the answer.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

UPPERDOWN VOTE UPPERDOWN VOTE UPPERDOWN VOTE

Obama: Give health care an 'up or down' vote:
President Barack Obama urged Congress Wednesday to vote "up or down" on sweeping health care legislation in the next few weeks, endorsing a plan that denies Senate Republicans the right to kill the bill by stalling with a filibuster.

Finally!

I say that because it's high time the magic words "up or down vote" were used in place of "reconciliation," which most people don't understand (including, apparently much of the Senate).

After all, the phrase (often rendered as 'upperdown vote") became a Republican mantra when they were in power and the Democrats threatened a filibuster. "So and so deserves an upperdown vote," "The American people want to see an upperdown vote on Judge so and so", etc.

I'd love it if every supporter of the current health care reform bill was on TV 24/7 from now until the vote, repeating "upperdown vote, upperdown vote, upperdown vote", till the thing passes.

Unfortunately, I don't know if the Dems have the message discipline to do it.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Why We Fight

Rep. Louise Slaughter during the Health care Summit:
“I have a constituent that you won’t believe and I know you won’t, but her sister died, this poor woman had no dentures,” Slaughter, D-Fairport, said. “She wore her dead sister's teeth, which of course were uncomfortable and did not fit. Do you believe that in America that’s where we would be?”

Rush Limbaugh, overfed rich white drug addict, commenting on the story:

“If you don’t have any teeth, so what? What’s applesauce for?”


Remember folks: at one point, assholes like Limbaugh ran the country. Now, the chicken-livered Democratic Congressional Delegation acts like they still do.

Enough is enough.

Fight.

Bipartisanship In Action

The Washington Monthly
Two thousand federal transportation workers will be furloughed without pay on Monday, and the Obama administration said they have a Kentucky senator to blame for it.

Federal reimbursements to states for highway programs will also be halted, the Transportation Department said in a statement late Sunday. The reimbursements amount to about $190 million a day, according to the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee.

The furloughs and freeze on payments were the result of a decision last week by Republican Sen. Jim Bunning to block passage of legislation that would have extended federal highway and transit programs, the department said. Those programs expired at midnight Sunday.

The extension of transportation programs was part of a larger package of government programs that also expired Sunday, including unemployment benefits for about 400,000 Americans.

Bunning's reaction, when pressed on the issue:

"Tough shit."


But Lamar Alexander claims that if the Democrats pass the health care bill through reconciliation, it will "end the Senate as a protector of minority rights, the place where you have to get consensus, instead of just a partisan majority."

Of course, reconciliation wasn't a problem for Senator Alexander the times he voted for it.

Minority Leader Mitch McConnell warns of a "severe reaction" if reconciliation is used.

Of course, he didn't have a problem when it was used 19 other times to pass bills the Republicans liked, like the Bush tax cuts.

You know what, Senator Alexander, Senator McConnell? You've had plenty of chances to have a say in this, and your reaction has always been to whine that anything less than total capitulation isn't being "bipartisan."

Well, tough shit. Pass the damn bill.