Beer...Is There Anything It Can't Do?

Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge Police Sergeant James Crowley Spotted Together - wbztv.com

Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police Sergeant James Crowley were spotted at a pub in Cambridge Wednesday night.

The owner of "River Gods" told WBZ the two sat in a booth together and talked for about an hour.

Over the summer, Crowley arrested Gates for disorderly conduct while responding to reports of a possible break-in at Gates' home. Gates accused the officer of racial profiling.

The incident led to a nation-wide debate over racial profiling and race relations, when President Barack Obama commented on the situation - coming to Gates' defense. All three men later sat at a table outside the White House in what became known as the 'beer summit.'

You Paid WHAT?

Latest Newspaper Column:

Recently, tequila maker Jose Cuervo ­decided to celebrate the 350th anniversary of the company by making a very special "Extra Añejo" blend, which would go for a ­whopping 2,250 bucks a bottle.

I have to say, I was a little taken aback. In the days of my misspent youth, I was known to ­partake of Señor Cuervo's product on occasion, and "premium" is not the word that comes to mind when I reminisce about it. The words that do come to mind are ­"hurling," "psychosis," and, "Oh, God, just let me get through this and I swear I'll never drink again!"

Nevertheless, the pricey tequila, aged in oak barrels for three years, blended with "select aged tequilas from the family's reserves," then aged 10 more months in used Spanish sherry casks, is reported to be a near-religious experience by one drinker. "A beautifully balanced tequila with an elegance you'll find in few sipping ­spirits," wrote Tony Sachs of the Huffington Post.

Well, maybe. But $2,250 a bottle? For that kind of dough, I want more than smooth taste and a good buzz. I want it to make my teeth whiter, my hair shinier and my eyesight better, and give me a singing voice like Van Morrison. And not just to my own ears.

But it got me thinking about conspicuous ­consumption: the quest for not just the best ­product, but the most expensive one. There's just a special cachet that attaches to products that make people go, "You paid what?!"

Take, for instance, the world's most expensive car, the Bugatti Veyron. You might think that $1.5 million is a lot of money for a car. But when you consider that it packs a 16-cylinder engine generating 1,001 horsepower, goes 0-60 in 2.5 seconds, hits 252 mph top speed in less than a minute, and can be ordered with an interior by Louis Vuitton...

OK, it's still a lot of money for a car. So go for one of life's simpler pleasures, like the world's most expensive bagel. Concocted by Chef Frank Tujague of New York's Westin Hotel, the bagel is "topped with white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves."

As it turns out, those white truffles are the ­second most expensive food in the world (with caviar being No. 1). So if you've got a hankering for a nutritious breakfast featuring a tree ­fungus dug up by pigs, hop on up to the Westin. It'll only set you back a thousand bucks.

If want to gloat to your poorer friends and relations that you just dropped a grand on ­breakfast, why not do it on the world's most expensive cell phone? The Swiss company Goldvish SA sells a phone made of 18k white gold and set with 20 carats of fine diamonds. The phone also features Bluetooth, 2 GB of ­storage, FM radio, a digital camera and MP3 playback. What, no bottle opener?

Of course, you're not going to wash a ­breakfast like that down with Sanka. No, you want the worlds' most expensive coffee, the $600-a-pound brew made from the Kopi Luwak beans found in Southeast Asia.

The Kopi Luwak is cultivated, if you can call it that, in a somewhat unusual way. The raw beans are eaten, but not fully digested, by a weasel-like critter called the Asian Palm Civet. Something in the little beastie's digestive tract alters the chemistry of the beans and apparently creates extra deliciousness. When nature takes its course, the natives gather up and sell the beans, then presumably retire to their homes and ­chortle that they just charged some Westerner a premium price for weasel poo.

It just goes to show: There is nothing so ­outrageously priced that someone, somewhere, won't pay for it. Because as it turns out, the Cuervo referenced above isn't even the world's most expensive tequila. That honor goes to a ­bottle of "Super Premium" tequila made by a company called Tequila Ley .925. Price: $225,000. For a bottle of booze.

P.T. Barnum was right. There's one born every minute.

Oh, For God's Sake...

Charles Krauthammer:

The White House has declared war on Fox News.

Oh, bullshit.

Can we stop with the drama queenery for five seconds? Please? No one has "declared war" on anyone, and no one is trying to "shut Fox News down." A couple of administration officials have pointed out, rightly in my opinion, that Fox News toes the Republican Party line and repeats their talking points verbatim, while making up new and ever more bizarre pro-GOP talking points of their own. Remember when the Fox news-bimbo called the Obama's congratulatory fist-bump the "Terrorist fist jab?" Remember the "Obama attended a Muslim terrorist school" story that Fox "broke" and which was almost immediately debunked by every news organization that wasn't asking "how high" when Karl Rove said "jump"?

But pointing that out is not "going to war," and it's not "trying to shut anyone down." It's criticism. That's all it is. You know, free speech?

Presidents have been bitching about the media for years. The Bushistas bitched about MSNBC, not to mention freezing Helen Thomas out for eight years despite the fact she was the most senior member of the White House Press Corps. Nixon bitched about Dan Rather, and so on and so on. Get over it.

As for this whine about "Obama won't come on Fox News shows": The President of the United States is not obligated to go on any one network. His obligation is to talk to the American people. If he wants to do that via NBC, MSNBC, the Mutual Radio Network, the Daily Planet, or by releasing 250 million goddamn carrier pigeons, it's his call.

So spare me your fucking sense of entitlement, Fox News. President Obama doesn't owe you an appearance, any more than he owes one to CBS, ESPN or the Food Network. Grow the hell up and accept that your relentlessly anti-Obama stance means the administration may not always pat you on your head and tell you how wonderful you are. You're not above criticism any more than the President is. Dry your eyes, put on a new pair of Pull-Ups and try not being such a bunch of whiny pricks all the time.

Beyond Parody, Part II

Glenn Beck:

Celebrities are coming together to make it cool to volunteer. Disney gives you a free day at the park. This is all fine, but doesn't it seem a little bit convenient that all of this comes out now at the same time the Obama administration is calling for it? Obama controls the message through the media he holds in his pocket. Or in his little hand. And soon if you disobey, he'll just go [Beck slaps his hand]. Now the message will be embedded in television shows. Isn't this great? Aren't you proud of what we're doing? Oh, this certainly is change.

So let me get this straight. Encouraging people to volunteer to help their community or their country is now a bad thing because Barack Obama and "celebrities" are doing it? Click through and watch the Beck video, if you can stand it. Listen to the tone of Beck's voice. You'll see a conservative spokesman actually sneering at the idea of volunteerism, before claiming that "this is like living in Mao's China" and comparing Ashton Kutcher to Karl Marx for encouraging it.

This is what conservatism has come to. They only have two principles: IBIODI and IOKIYAR. (It's Bad If Obama Does It and It's Okay If You're a Republican).

Chicago's Not Looking like Such a Bad Deal After All Now, Huh?

Police helicopter shot down in Olympic city Rio de Janeiro:

Drug traffickers shot down a police helicopter in a gun battle between rival gangs on Saturday, killing two officers, as the Brazilian city was engulfed in a renewed outburst of violence two weeks after winning its bid to host the 2016 Olympic Games.

My friend Stephen Blackmoore has a great blog where he passes on some of the crazy shit criminals get up to in LA. But you've gotta admit, actually shooting police choppers out of the sky makes the LA boys look pretty wimpy.

Beyond Parody

Latest Newspaper Column:

I tell you, folks, it's plumb discouraging.

I've said on several occasions that the problem with doing satire these days is staying ahead of reality. I make up something that's so absurd that I assume people will realize it's a joke, and then suddenly something comes along that makes that absurdity look positively normal in comparison.

Until recently, though, I thought I was doing a decent job of staying ahead.

Not any more.

You may recall that last week, I talked about the rejoicing on the Right over the fact that America wasn't getting the Olympics in 2016. Folks like Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin and Rush Limbaugh were dancing a spiteful jig because President Obama had lobbied to bring the Olympics to Chicago (which, despite what the wingnuts may tell you, really is part of America. Just like Hawaii). If Obama wanted it, their "reasoning" went, then it must be a good thing that it didn't happen.

I went on to suggest that, since Mr. Obama had recently signed an order forbidding federal employees from texting while driving, then obviously the thing for any good tea-party patriot to do was go out there and text away behind the wheel. The absurdity there was that anyone would actually think that it was a patriotic idea to do a dangerous thing because Obama said not to. It was a joke, I swear it.

Little did I know that they really have gone that crazy. As Exhibit One, I give you the de facto leader of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh.

Mr. Limbaugh recently pitched an epic hissy fit on his nationally syndicated radio show over, of all things, flu vaccine.

Seems that El Rushbo got his rage on because Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius had done the unthinkable: She'd gone on TV and said that it would be a good idea if people got vaccinated against the flu.

Now, to any reasonable person, this would make sense. After all, the new strain of H1N1 flu is a nasty critter. The family and I had a mild brush with it ourselves, and I can certainly tell you we wish the vaccine had been widely available a couple of weeks ago.

Not Rush, though. He blew a gasket at the very idea. "Screw you, Miss Sebelius!" he shouted on the air. "I'm not going to take it precisely because you're now telling me I must!"

It should be noted that nowhere in any of Miss Sebelius' statements recommending the vaccine did she use the word "must," nor is there any suggestion in any public pronouncement that vaccination should be mandatory. The actual Sebelius quote is: "We strongly urge parents to take precautionary steps. Flu kills every year, and we've got a great vaccine to deal with it."

But apparently, even the suggestion that a swine flu shot would be beneficial to children, coming from an Obama appointee, is tyranny on the same level as the massacre at Tiananmen Square.

"It's not your role, it's not your responsibility, and you do not have that power!" Rush sputtered to a version of Secretary Sebelius that appears to exist only in his head. "How are they gonna make me take it if I refuse to take it? Who the hell do these people think they are?"

Umm ... actually, Rush, public health is actually part of Ms. Sebelius' role and her responsibility. It's the "Health" part of "Health and Human Services." But again, no one is "making" anyone do anything. You want to risk getting the swine flu, have at it, and I wish you joy.

But you folks can see my problem. You have a major leader of American conservatives going on national radio to holler at the top of his lungs that he's not going to do something that no one is trying to make him do.

You have a prominent Republican leader going completely ballistic because a member of the Obama administration "strongly urged" parents (a group to which he does not even belong) to get flu shots for their kids.

How do you even begin to parody these people?

Which Marxisocialliberalfascist Said This?

No Fair Clicking Through Till You've Posted a Guess:

Hint: Glenn Beck and the teabaggers love this writer:

In taking the matter upon this ground, the first principle of civilization ought to have been, and ought still to be, that the condition of every person born into the world, after a state of civilization commences, ought not to be worse than if he had been born before that period.

...

It is a position not to be controverted that the earth, in its natural, cultivated state was, and ever would have continued to be, the common property of the human race. In that state every man would have been born to property. He would have been a joint life proprietor with rest in the property of the soil, and in all its natural productions, vegetable and animal.

But the earth in its natural state, as before said, is capable of supporting but a small number of inhabitants compared with what it is capable of doing in a cultivated state. And as it is impossible to separate the improvement made by cultivation from the earth itself, upon which that improvement is made, the idea of landed property arose from that parable connection; but it is nevertheless true, that it is the value of the improvement, only, and not the earth itself, that is individual property.

Every proprietor, therefore, of cultivated lands, owes to the community ground-rent (for I know of no better term to express the idea) for the land which he holds; and it is from this ground-rent that the fund prod in this plan is to issue...

...I shall now proceed to the plan I have to propose, which is,

To create a national fund, out of which there shall be paid to every person, when arrived at the age of twenty-one years, the sum of fifteen pounds sterling, as a compensation in part, for the loss of his or her natural inheritance, by the introduction of the system of landed property:

And also, the sum of ten pounds per annum, during life, to every person now living, of the age of fifty years, and to all others as they shall arrive at that age.

hat tip to Think Progress.